Saturday, February 26, 2011

anti-procrastination tips from an amateur

Remember way back when when I posted: Procrastination Tips from a Professional?? Well, today I am here to do quite the opposite... I know. You can pick those jaws off the floor now... yes, now. You look funny.

Here are some ANTI-Procrastination tips! And since I am pathetically bad at my own 'process', I deemed myself an amateur, perhaps one step up from a novice. So boo ya.

1. Think about all that work you should be doing. Guilt trip yourself. Yep, you heard me, don't avoid it. Think about it! Make yourself feel terrible about not doing anything! This obviously does not necessarily mean "actually do it" but hey, if you actually do do it, congratulations, you have passed.

2. Go get some food. Are you back? Alright, now before you put that delicious cookie, or that apple, or that New York style cheesecake with warm berry sauce and whipped cream.... oh sweet jesus. Where was I?

Oh right, so before you eat it, think about how that fine line between boredom and hunger seems to be fuzzy. You're not really hungry, are you? You're just bored. Which means you aren't doing anything!!! Awesome, now re-route to Step 1 immediately. Do not waste time contemplating your hunger any longer! GUILT TRIP away.

3. Open up Twitter*. Go check, do you have any @replies? What about the latest awesomesauce tweets from your favourite authors? Oh look! That debut author is on the NY Times Bestseller list! Tweet a "congratulations + uber-enthusiastic emoticon". Now... STOP. Shouldn't you be doing work? Close that window, now. Yes, now before you are sucked into the evil world of Tweetcrastination** Open up the Word document and then you can either:
  • Reroute to Step 1
  • Actually do your assignment

4. Refresh your blog page. And as you're refreshing it, think about all the work you could be doing as the screen flickers anew. Maybe you don't need to check if you have a new comment. Maybe you don't have to check if a blog on your blogroll has been updated. Yeah.. that sounds reasonable, huh? Now keep this in mind as you open your textbook and get down to studying!

5. Look over you plans from yesterday***. Is there something you should be doing?... Yes? So how about you try and block the ADD in your cerebellum and follow that amazing plan that will have you done all your homework in a few short hours****.

6. If these truly and honestly don't work, you can always just crack open a book and say it counts as literature enrichment*****.


Well there you have it! Straight from the horse's mouth, if you care to say. Please note that these methods have a 98% margin of error. And yes, I realize a lot of this has to do with guilt-tripping yourself to get yourself to do work, but hey, who says that quitting procrastination cold-turkey was easy?

You are very welcome.

If you'd like, this amateur would love some more anti-procrastination tips, so make sure you leave them in the comments below. Now stop reading this and do the work you're probably supposed to be doing this weekend.

*Yep, that was a shameless plug for my own twitter account. Wait, your not following it?? Well, do it now! @pinkcreamsoda
**yes, it's a word
***plans made as a by-product of procrastination, naturally
****ha ha ha... who are you kidding
*****in getting your parents off your back, this method has an 93% success rate with parents of regular kids and a 12% success rate with parents of bloggers. I say it like it is.


  1. LOL!!! Great post. Thank goodness I don't have twitter as it sounds like I would get even less done.

  2. LOL Audrey you are so adorable! Awesome tips I think I'll go over these again sometime today because I have been avoiding work the whole day. Thanks hun!

  3. LOL brilliant! But now I have to go find some cheesecake, my brain got stuck on that line :)

  4. LOL! After comparing the two posts I'm getting the distinct impression that you're a lot better at procrastinating than not :)

    Here's why I do: I think of a reward that I want and I give it to myself after I've done whatever it is I'm supposed to do. So...

    Need to write a paper? Do it for a half an hour and then read a chapter in my book that I've been dying to pick up.

    Need to wash dishes? Do it, and then eat that slice of cheesecake (which, by the way, did you need to mention cheesecake? I looooove cheesecake! But I don't have any here :(

    The best part about this whole plan is that you can spend at least an hour or two making up your schedule and list of rewards. :P

  5. I've got two midterms and a paper due but I'm checking out some blogs. Lol, thanks for reminding me of all the work I need to get done :(

  6. Blahhahahaha!

    Your footnotes are brilliant!

    And anti-procrastination tips, you say. But, now I feel so guilty that I'm not motivated to do anything. :I

    *slinks off*


for those who are confused, it means "Don't forget to be AWESOME". *hugs*